And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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