I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
