I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
