what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
