when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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