Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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