Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
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I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
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Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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