areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i wish my penis had a tongue
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
