I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
