I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
