I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize