You work out of a Hotel?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
