I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
