i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
