I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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