its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
