after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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