my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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