saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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