So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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