I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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