He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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