You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
