Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think my moral compass just broke
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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