Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
