I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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