I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
