I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
