I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Panties = found
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
