I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
