Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
