It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
