Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
