Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
