I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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