There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
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I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
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NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The Olympian is in my bed
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