I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
