In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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