well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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