What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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