According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had hair everywhere except his balls
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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