Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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