I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
