Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
