I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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