Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
