you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
