what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize