my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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