I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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