Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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