I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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