i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
