The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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