she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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