Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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