My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
