He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
