Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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