just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
